The Strangest Ranger.

I dreamt that Bertie was playing at centre forward for Rangers last night.  It was in the cup, under the lights.  The stadium was packed. 
 
It was a strange dream because I'm not a Rangers fan.  And because Bertie is a dog - a woolly, black-and-white cocker spaniel.   But it wasn't completely daft, because Bertie does have a fair turn of speed.  And the pitches get slippery at this time of year, so perhaps Walter Smith thought that with his four paws and his ability to turn quickly, he was worth a try.  That's probably why he put him on. 

It was late in the game and Rangers were already well ahead.  Bertie didn't have a little blue jersey or anything, but that didn't seem to matter - everyone just knew that he was playing centre-forward for Rangers.

The first thing that happened was that someone - it might have been Barry Ferguson - played an attacking pass through the middle.  Bertie was onto it in a flash.  He dropped a shoulder and cut inside the last defender.  Now he was clean through on goal.  I was worried, because his control isn't always the best.  But he fired a crisp shot into the roof of the net.  I think the ball must have sat up nicely for him, but even so it was a quality finish. 

The roar from the crowd was ear-splitting.  Bertie would never have heard anything like it and for a second or two he looked lost, wandering about near the penalty spot.  But then his team-mates were by his side, patting him on the head, scratching his ears, and he was okay again.

©  David Gray